#3 the summer and the fall (the route)

2007: Even though I pretty much know why, regardless it's funny to me that I consider a thirty-one year old as young now. But I see pictures of me then and I see it plainly in my face, eyes brighter, still making dumb faces and making dumb poses, often with friends, sometimes maybe even trying to smile. Sixteen years one direction or the other makes a difference. Also, I'm jealous now of how good I used to look. I didn't give myself enough credit on those days but I've never really been known for giving myself much credit about anything. And then I wonder if I'm still not giving myself enough credit now. However with it being the latter half of the aughts and even though I probably reeked of cigarette smoke all the time I happened to be at this really great intersection of being attractive, young and single where ending up with women would be considered a not-uncommon occurrence. I'd be restless after spending the day writing in my dark apartment all day, begin the night intending only on visiting Waffle House with a friend of mine, somehow veer off into some other misadventure, then often enough the outcome at night's conclusion compared to the beginning just winds end up being a gulf from what it was, a vast one. At times the hopscotches I used to do in the course of an evening were incredibly reckless and irresponsible and I hope I'm not coming off right now like I'm proud of it. It's interesting in a way to think back upon it but it isn't me, now. While it was all happening I still felt, deep down, that all the random and cheaply-obtained experiences I would have with others were only reminding me of what actually could bein my life. Maybe that's what it all was; the person I was is no longer around for me to ask him.

( the memory lane )